I woke up at 5:30 am without an alarm today. On a Saturday. So here I am writing some things down about my new
diet, I mean lifestyle change because I am never up this early on a weekend. My life is changing because of this stuff.
At first, I listened to my friend talking to another friend and noticed the signs of an MLM sale. The vagueness, the promises, the stories, and she’s a teeny, tiny, hottie mc hottie that runs regularly. She says things like, “this is the best nutrition you can give your body” and “you can’t even explain what happens to you, but you feel so good” and “I’m just too lazy to be good to myself and prepare and cook food that can give my body what it needs.” And nothing happens.
A few months later, we are in the car on the way to an assignment and she tells me that she’s cleansing and then eats chocolate and doesn’t share. On the way home, she explains what all she does, but I only hear her say the name of the company once and I think that was an accident. So when I get home, I Google something close to it and I see it pop up the correct name. I do some research and see the positive and the negative reviews. And nothing happens.
A few days later, I am on Facebook, and another friend posts a heartfelt and sincere thank you for getting her started on this amazing journey and life change. She has lost weight and inches in the double digits and feels great. So when my friend calls me, instead of telling her no, I tell her that I am interested, and I begin the process of convincing my husband that I need this stuff. He takes five minutes to text questions and offers alternatives and then finally I see on my phone, “You know I’m going to cave and get you whatever you want, right?” I love my husband. The only unspoken caveat is that I cannot sell this stuff because I promised him I would never join another MLM company when we were first married. Besides, I suck at selling. Anyway, I was feeling like it didn’t matter why or how this stuff works, if it works, it will be worth it to me.
So right before I started, taking this stuff, I was sick for a few days with a stomach flu. Food did not sound good to me at all. I wondered if I would only be able to drink two shakes a day and eat one meal because of my illness. Normally, I love eating–got the body by Blue Bell Ice Cream to prove it. I wondered if I would get sick of drinking two meals a day instead of actually chewing. I worried how everything would taste because I have protein powder in my pantry right now that tastes like grossness unless you blend it with milk, fruit, and sugar. No way would I drink that stuff with only water more than once on purpose. I was worried, but I told myself that this would be a test and I was anxious to get my box of goodies in the mail. The anticipation helped prepare myself mentally for the worst–I practiced telling myself that it might not work so don’t get too excited. I did not drink the happy juice and I was not expecting anything in particular to happen.
First off, I still cooked meals for my family. I noticed right away that I have the habit of shoving things into my mouth while cooking. I also noticed that when I’m just standing around in the kitchen, I will randomly put things in my mouth whether I’m actually hungry or not. These things I didn’t know about myself until I repeatedly stopped myself because I was now following an actual schedule. Second, being on a schedule reminded me to take my vitamins morning and night. I need iron because I am anemic, but instead of remembering to take it, I usually take a nap at some point in the day because I just get tired. Third, I usually get a headache from driving too much so on the days when I drive downtown (an hour round trip) or when I’m just tired, I ask the kids to take turns rubbing my head and temples. If my niece wasn’t in another state, I would make her do it, too, because she gives the best temple massages. I would have to pay her in stove-made popcorn, though. My kids get paid in being allowed to live. I just ask them what they learned at church (on Sundays) and they tell me about themselves while they are massaging, so really I’m just building our relationships. Win-win!
I measured myself, weighed myself, took pictures with a newspaper, and then had computer issues, so I never entered the 30-day challenge where they give you the chance to win $200 in free product. That would have been a really good thing to enter, but I think I missed the window and I’m too busy with other stuff to check. Anyway, I am 50 pounds overweight. After each kid, I lost weight except for the last 10 pounds. So four kids, forty pounds… I usually count my husband, though, so… five kids, fifty pounds. I do not really care about how much I actually weigh. I do care about how my clothes look when I put them on and mine were starting to get tighter. I think my body was imagining I had another kid. I mean, I look two months pregnant anyway. My only real goal is to be able to stand up straight, turn my head down, and see my toes. That’s it. I want my chest to protrude out farther than my stomach. So many times have I looked at others who are overweight and thought, “See, they have the boobs to balance out that figure. They look great when wearing a belt.” Me? Not so much. I feel like Baymax without the capacity to deflate when necessary.
My box came and I started my new lifestyle on a Friday. When I tasted my very first shake, I was delighted. It was delicious! Granted, it’s not just a protein shake, it has carbs and fats and all that’s supposed to be a balanced meal. And I felt full after drinking it. There’s some other stuff you’re supposed to drink that tastes “nas-gusting” (how Zoe said “disgusting” when she was five which is an actual word in our household now to represent the grossest of the gross). I power through it, but I hear that it comes in powder form which tastes better. Totally looking into that on my next order. I drink lots and lots of water. I just fill up my water bottle repeatedly all day. I know I’m supposed to drink water, but I get lazy and then I hit Sonic during Happy Hour for a Route 44-ounce Coke. I haven’t had a Coke in two weeks and I don’t miss it. Haven’t been craving it or crying about it, and no one in my house was killed or harmed in any way.
So here is what happened my first week…
- I did not take a nap except on the second day of cleansing (which was also my 10th day), but I think I was tired from the weekend’s activities.
- I did not get a headache all week long and still drove to Houston a couple of times.
- I did not force anyone to rub my head. Don’t worry, my children still talked a lot to me.
- I cheated on my first night with a couple of scoops of Blue Bell, but I ended up not being able to finish it and gave it to my son, the human disposal.
- I drank water all day and took my vitamins morning and night. For an entire week! That never happens on my own.
- I lost 7 pounds and a few inches off my belly. My pants fall down unless I wear a belt. My crazy c-section scar looks smoother because the skin isn’t hanging over it. Sorry, TMI, but HA! It’s working!
- I ate the chocolates on cleanse days and didn’t share.
My second week…
- I am just now noticing that I have not been craving Coke. I did take a few sips of IBC Root Beer that Josh brought home for the kids. The temptation was too great, but I ended up not wanting to finish it.
- I am just now noticing that I have not been passing gas like a champ. I mean, you hit 40 and it seems like you go through a crazy amount of changes… farting all the time, getting food stuck in between every single tooth and not just between the ones with the unusually large gap between them–these days I can’t eat a salad and go into public after without brushing my teeth first, having to take pain killers after playing a sport you enjoy. I guess I haven’t had milk in two weeks either and I know some people have given up dairy in order to lose the gas. Maybe that has something to do with it? I haven’t played volleyball yet, but for the first time in many years, I feel like running.
- I am getting things done around the house because I cannot be still on a cleanse day or I will eat everything in sight–my appetite has returned in full force, but I get full faster at least.
- I cleansed on Friday and Saturday, and Sunday was Fast Sunday (no eating or drinking for two meals). I didn’t think I could make it through the day, so I ate regularly. I felt the worst ever and decided that I was no good on my own. I need the system and schedule.
- I am getting better sleep. I wake up at 5:15 am every morning to take my oldest two kids to seminary every weekday. I guess my body didn’t know today was Saturday, so I woke up on my own. I used to be able to do that growing up. I would tell myself what time to get up the next day, and my body would listen. Haven’t been able to do that in years.
- I didn’t lose any weight, but didn’t gain it all back either. I haven’t measured myself yet, so I don’t know if I lost any more inches. I don’t think so. Everything does look firmer in the mirror right before I jump in the shower, though.
So here I am starting my second week cleanse. They say you can do one or two days, but two days is better. I think I messed up on my first 2-day cleanse because it was a busy weekend and I was gone from home a lot. Today I am going to see if I can follow it more closely. I can’t wait to eat the chocolates.
Things are definitely happening.
Posted on March 7th, 2015 by trish
Filed under: Life