Trish’s Blog

…in more ways than one.

**SPOILER ALERT**

First, I blame myself for the rose colored lenses I was wearing up until the moment I walked into the theater. How could I forget that there would be screaming little girls everywhere? I may still feel like a teen, but I am definitely in the Twilight MOM (read: old lady who should not be crazy about Edward Cullen) category. My kids ate cold cereal for dinner, the laundry did not get done, and any interruptions while I read each of the books in the series were met with barely contained snarls and baring of teeth. Luckily, I read fast and happen to have the best husband in the world who, without being asked, quietly led the children away, shut the door to our bedroom and left me in peace to be dazzled. Excepting the second book, I was blissfully happy to live in the world of glittery vampires and superhero powers. There is a reason why Stephenie Meyer has been called the next JK Rowling–it has nothing to do with the quality of writing or subject matter–it is because you want to live in the world she creates and see the characters yourself. You wish it like you wish you knew what butter beer tastes like. The movie could not compete… and incidentally, the only book to movie that I think stands on its own is the Jason Bourne movies. Yes, I know the movies detour from the books, but watching Matt Damon kick booty makes up for all–in the end, you just like the movie for what it is. This movie will not stand on its own, but will be the immortal Grease for all those teens who were there tonight (and for my own preteen who will be seeing it on Saturday with a bunch of her friends).

*take a breath* * think good thoughts* *positive mental attitude* *redirect*

THANK YOU to the person who was parked three stalls from the entrance and left right as I arrived. THANK YOU to my friends who saved me a seat in the theatre so that I could get there a mere hour before show time. We took up almost two rows… a raft of Twilight Moms in a sea of screaming teenage girls (although the youngest in our group was 8 years old–shout out to MM who took a nap after school so she’d be able to stay awake for the midnight show). THANK YOU to the friends who waited for me to pee before walking me out to my car after the movie so that I did not have to go alone. THANK YOU to Zoe for sleeping the whole time I was gone and Josh for watching over her and the kids. THANK YOU to my friends in CA who texted and sent me a picture of them with the security guard working at the theater. THANK YOU for freshly popped popcorn and icy drink. That, my friends, is the summary of good things related to my night. And the rant continues…

Second, I wanted to scream myself multiple times throughout the movie because the audio sucked. There was humming and static and crackling and break ups. Yes, I got my free pass along with everyone else as we filed out to the closing credits because the theater was at fault, but my first experience of the movie is forever scarred. So a free pass cannot be listed among the positives. You can only see a movie for the first time once. I endured to the end because I could not walk out. How could I? All the anticipation building up for the girls’ night out and close to bubbling over… I just couldn’t.

Third, the make up was BAD. You’re not supposed to notice it, right? (Shoot, you’re not supposed to feel like you’re in a theater at all if they get it right, but the sound quality and constant twittering of teenagers also made that impossible.) Rosalie is supposed to be the most beautiful and perfect blonde, but she wasn’t. Her make up and Carlisle’s were the most infuriating. Edward looked good sometimes, but I saw the edge of his contact lens in a close up. Same with the special effects, you’re always aware that they’re on wires.

Fourth, the acting was lacking. Jasper reminded me of Johnny Depp’s Edward Scissorhands… he’s supposed to be trying to contain himself, not look dumb and mute. They’re supposed to be arrogant, godlike creatures… never fragile or scared. Edward is supposed to be very old and it should reflect in his speech and choice of words… more formal. When he first came on the screen, the little girls errupted into a frenzy of screams. That was actually kind of cool because you can’t get that energy by yourself, at home, with a DVD. They did a good job with Alice, she rocked. Bella was cast right because even though she’s supposed to be ordinary in the book, you secretly know she’s got something going for her. Why else would Edward want her? Anyway, Kristen Stewart did OK… a little too tightly wound so that the audience who did not read the book will think she’s got some kind of disorder. That’s nothing to what they’ll think of Edward and his slam dunk seduction in the woods—that went WAY too fast. What the heck are they doing up in the trees? That was not part of the story, but I guess they had to convey quickly some kind of high that this love story took pages to achieve. And the rest of the time the movie dragged. Only people who have read the book will have the patience to sit and wait for it. (Lan can thank me right now for letting me boss her into reading the book first.) And Jacob… his hair was obviously a wig, but who really cares about Jacob anyway? (Sorry Kristen.)

Fifth, I am a nursing mom and my right side was hurting so badly by the time the movie got out. I was happy that Zoe woke up a little while after starting this post so that I could feed her. I was typing with one hand for a while there and now she’s crawling around somewhere probably eating the first forbidden object she can find. I also mysteriously sprained the bottom of my foot in between the heel and arch… I could barely walk to the car. I don’t know what I did, but as I write this, I get up every few minutes and gimp walk to the bedroom to peek in on Zoe (she’s just eating a phone book). Can you feel my dedication?

OK, they did get the dazzling part down right. I like the way Edward sparkled. Rob Pattinson is cute, but not true to the description in the book, and it will not matter to hard core fans. He’s the face of Edward now and I hope he lives through it. Edward in the sun is supposed to be excruciatingly beautiful and they did a good job of that in the movie… so it’s in keeping with my assessment.

OH! I do have a favorite part in the movie… and it has nothing to do with dialog or acting… it was when Supermassive Black Hole played during the baseball game. I danced in my seat because it was nothing compared to my surroundings.

Posted on November 21st, 2008 by trish
Filed under: In My Opinion, Movies